In part 1 we discussed why the debrief was so important. Now, we’re going to give you the method. All in all, this is something that you can use every day. Sometimes, you can debrief your children, your spouse or yourself multiple times in a given day.
Now, the debrief is all about discovery. Your discovery and their discovery. The debrief is not about you telling them what they should’ve done. It’s also not about you judging what they’ve done and making them feel inadequate.
Basically, when you’re doing a debrief, your intention is to Always Be Curious about what they’re learning. The debrief has 2 parts to it:
The questions help them discover deeper levels of learning. The celebration gets them excited about what they have learnt. The explanation stops them from getting irritated with all the questions! Together, this cycle allows your children to get excited about the process of learning, not the end result that they achieved. And life is all about the process.
Before you can debrief your children, you need to get their buy-in. There has to be a reason for them answering your questions. So, before you even ask the questions, you must explain why you’re doing a debrief. Here’s an example of how this might go:
“Stacey, life is about learning. We learn every day. Do you remember when you didn’t know how to walk? Well, you know how to walk now because you watched the people around you and learnt to do it on your own. But every day you’re learning about new things. My concern though, is that you’re not always learning the best lessons that will help you become the person that you want to be. So many people are out there trying to fill your head with what they think you should know. But sometimes, that’s not the lesson that will help you grow.
Is it okay with you if I ask you a few questions whenever you’re learning something? That way, you can learn twice as much and make half as many mistakes. The best part is that there are no right or wrong answers. Would that be okay?”
Getting approval from your children is imperative. Without it, you don’t have an agreement, and how can they then trust you? If they have more questions about why you’re doing this, then be honest and explain where all of this learning will take them. Find out what they want and then show them how this process will lead them there…on their own terms.
These simple questions will help your children learn from their experiences. Don’t worry if they don’t know the answers. And don’t feel anxious if they get irritated by the questions. Learning can be hard work sometimes.
These questions are not flawless. Every child is unique. Their interpretation of these words and what you’re meaning may differ. Find a set of words that they understand and then use them to formulate questions that your child will comprehend.
This part is critical. We’re human and whenever we celebrate, we anchor in a joyful experience. Think back to the last time you truly celebrated. Do you remember how it made you feel? Do you remember where you were and what you were doing? But most importantly, did you want to revisit that experience? If you could, would you relive it?
Celebrating an experience is so jam-packed with energy that we can’t help but reminisce about these moments. When you teach your children how to celebrate their learnings, you teach them that learning is something that is fun. You give them the greatest gift you will ever give them: the love of learning. This terms them into life-long, enthusiastic learners.
Every day they will learn more.
Each day they will overtake their peers.
And every day they will have a new chance to reinvent themselves.
Keep this in mind when you celebrate with them. Make it your foremost intention. You’re celebrating the person that your child is becoming. Celebrate with a high five, a loud, “Woohoo!”
Whichever way you want to celebrate, do it! But make it a part of this process and you’ll feel the energy in the room, the car or wherever you are explode through the roof, turning a simple moment into one that will be remembered.
I hope that this process is as effective in your life as it has been in mine. Keep doing it as often as possible and the results you’ll begin to notice in yourself and your children will astound you and take the depth of your relationship with them to new levels of profound appreciation.
Until next time…
© The Brilliance Quotient 2018